The life & times of Brown Sugar...

This is it. The final chapter and I'm done with the saga. I had some shit on my mind and I needed to vent. If I lost some of ya'll, I do apologize. I'm just using this as an outlet. Now....where was I? Oh yeah....my heart had just been ripped out. *THUD* (heart falling to the floor) Nothing noteworthy really occurred during the next few months besides the same ole' bullshyt. We were just beefing like it wasn't nothing. I felt like I hated him. Well...to be honest with you, I think I really did hate that muhfucka. He even had the nerve to threaten me with some custody mess. Come on now! Was he serious?!? You....a muhfucka who doesn't even have a job or any steady income...even for a minute thinks, better yet, THOUGHT that a judge would grant you custody of a child. Ni**a puhleeze! Anyway, let's fast forward a few months. Let's say....to Memorial Day 2003. I got a phone call from the sinister minister. I was getting ready to go to my co-worker's cookout. The conversation went as follows:
Me: Hello?
Sinister Minister: What's up?
Me: Nothing. (very short...as usual)
Sinister Minister: I have something I need to tell you.
Me: Ok...what's up?
Sinister Minister: I've been wanting to tell you this for a while. I just didn't know how to tell you.
Me: Ok...
Sinister Minister: Well, I'm getting married.
Me: (silence....mouth slightly ajar)
Sinister Minister: Uh..hello? Are you there?
Me: Yeah, I'm here. (pause) I mean...that's cool. Whatever makes you happy. Congratulations and shit. (sarcastic chuckle)
Sinister Minister: Yeah...well....I just wanted to let you know. I'm just trying to be up front and honest with you. We've actually been engaged since February.
Me: (sarcastic) Fine time to be honest. So...who's the lucky girl? (i cared, but didn't care. you know how it is....then i started thinking. Damn. Our son was only three months when they got engaged. This muhfucka....)
Sinister Minister: ______. (the quote unquote friend)
Me: (dead silence)
Sinister Minister: Uh...hello?
Me: *pause* You're full of shit! I mean....if it was somebody else, I wouldn't trip as much. But damn....you're going to marry this bitch who was basically the cause of most of the shit we went through?!? This is the same bitch who you claim you didn't like. This is the same bitch you claim was just a "friend." This is the same bitch who you lied and told I was just a damn one night stand! (i'm yelling into the phone at this point. Oooooh wee!I was fighting mad!) I hate you!!! You's a dirty muhfucka! Just dirty! I hate your ass! You're so damn full of shit!

After all that. I just hung up the phone. He called me back, but I didn't even pick up the phone. I was pissed for the rest of the day. You talk about one angry sistah.... I was ANGRY that day!
Fast forwarding a few months.... This mofo starts pouring his heart out to me. Tellin' me how he can't stop thinking about me. He thought he could get me out of his system and blah, blah, blah. I'm thinking whatever at first. But then....I was vulnerable and eventually started actually entertaining what he was saying. I had gotten to a point where I was able to hold a decent conversation with him without having flashbacks. So it was easy....or so I thought. He'd come over to see our son and end up staying over sometimes. And well....you already know what began to transpire. We got VERY comfortable with one another again. It was easy at first because I was just "getting mine". Shoot....it was convenient and bound to happen anyway. But then, I started catching feelings. Yes...he was still engaged if you're wondering. ANyway, this went on for about seven months. All the way up until he graduated in May 2004. Then it hit me....this mug is getting married. What am I doing? Who am I fooling? If you're wondering why it was just hitting me, it's because his wedding was in June and he was moving down to Florida a couple weeks after his graduation. Well the day came (i'm leaving so much out) when he packed up and left. He met me and our son up at the day care before hitting the road. Well, when he walked to the car, I just bust out crying. I said, "I can't believe you're actually doing this. I can't believe you're going to marry that girl!" Oh....it was sad. *smh*

Anyway, he left that day and I felt like he took my heart with him. He called me everyday up until the day before he got married. He was having doubts but at the same time, was so enthralled at the concept of marriage. Well, the wedding day came. Ofcourse, i was no where near the venue. So don't worry...I didn't crash the party. hee hee Anyway, I felt weird all day long. He called me the day after his wedding. I was thinking..."WTF are you calling me for?!? Shouldn't you be on your honeymoon and shit?" Like I said, I thought it...didn't say it. He claimed he was just calling to check on us. (me and my son). I kept it real short. I got off the phone with him before he sat there with that long awkward silence. He does that alot. He'll sit there, not saying nothing....but wanting to say something. You know how it is. Anyway, I got off the phone with him quick fast in a hurry. He called me the following day. Again....real short, off the phone, quick fast in a hurry. WTF?!? Shouldn't this muhfucka be on a honeymoon or something?!?

Ok...the next day, it was a Tuesday. He called at the damn butt crack of dawn. I wasn't going to work that day because my son was sick. Anyway, he called like he was just "checking on us" as he always says. Then there was that awkward silence. I should have gotten my ass of the phone right then. But I just sat there.... I was sucked in. I was curious as to what he had to say. Here it comes....he said, "I'm going to say something and I don't want you to respond. Just listen.... I feel like I played myself. I can't stop thinking about you. I miss everything about you. I miss your smile, your laughter....your conversation....your sarcastic mouth.....your companionship....everything. I miss everything about you." Need I say that my mouth was wide open? I didn't say shit either. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was in complete disbelief. I can't believe this mug had the audacity to call me and tell me this shit! *smh* He went on and on. I'm not even going to get into everything he said. Finally, I told him that he really felt that way he shouldn't have got married. AND furthermore, if he feels that way he should tell ole girl...his wife...before too much damn time passes by. Oh well.....MOVING ON! That was that. He's been married for almost 5 months now. Still talking that same shit. Whateva ni**a! You ain't going NO.WHERE.

Throughout these past few months I've been doing really good for myself, emotionally. I've moved on and I truly don't feel like I've missed out on anything. Honestly, I feel like this has been a BLESSING in disguise. I've been blessed with a beautiful, beautiful son. There is no love like the love I have for my child. I am forever thankful. Would I do it again, you ask? Eh....sometimes when I think about all I went through, I say, "Hell. No." But...when I look at my son....man, it was worth the pain. So the sinister minister did do one good thing! But it just goes to show that you can't trust and have faith in everybody. Even if they are men/women of the cloth. That damn cloth was soiled like a mug. hee hee Here I am thinking I had a good, God-Fearing, Christian man. But all I had was the damn devil himself. Introducing....the Sinister Minister! Thanks for hearing me out ya'll.