The life & times of Brown Sugar...

To your friend, I would say: no risk, no reward. Despite whatever people say, you can safely conclude from the vast amount of effort that the vast majority of people put into the search that a meaningful, loving relationship is the most important goal they will ever hope to attain. And since this thing is so important, so valuable to them, it is worth risking a little hurt to achieve it. yes, she might be setting herself up for pain by becoming attached to this guy who's still close to his ex, but she is certainly precluding any possibility of achieving this relationship she wants with him if she doesn't at least give him a shot. so under that logic, it makes sense to give him just enough rope to hang himself... and if he doesn't (and sometimes they don't), then she will be glad she gave him a shot. and if he hangs himself, and wounds her in the process... pick up, and move on. easier said than done, I know, but best in the long run.

and to your original question: I do not think any couple who used to be in a relationship can ever return to the former friend status, simply because one cannot erase the memories of the intimate experiences. There are several ways this can play out.... don't have any contact at all, have only civil (or uncivil) contact (as in many single parenting or babydaddy/momma cases), pretend to be friends while still maintaining the subtext (and possibility, however remote) of intimacy, or (what I consider to be the best possible case) something which strongly resembles friendship but in which the two participants don't ignore their intimate past or pretend that they will rekindle it. In other words, they act like adults that still like and respect one another, yet recognize that they are not and should not be in a romantic relationship together. Rare, yes, but possible. Unfortunately, all my exes hate my guts, so I've never experienced this firsthand, but I've seen some cases.
 

1. Formers lovers can not be friends. Why? Because at various points one is going to pine for the other. Further, the old person will always have the inside track. Do u need to call me for further analysis of this?

2. If your "friend" has a problem, she should speak up. I don't believe in "breaks". Nor do I believe that anyone keeps an ex around for "friendship". And I may very well be an expert on all "keeping the ex's around" situation. No really, you should call me if you have questions on this.

3. Men and women, especially if they've ever, evuh, EVUH been intimate, can't usually be friends. No really, they can't.
 

I am an ex in this sort of situation, and I just want to say, that yes, men and women can still be friends after a split. I'm just a baby (only 20) but I still see my ex from time to time, and we are still good friends. Towards the end of things (3years) it was as if we were simply best friends, and so it was logical to separate and move on. He recently met someone new, and while I am still playing the field, I'm really happy for him, and because I still love him I wish him the best. I'm not the person to make him happy, and he's not for me, but that doesn't mean We are going to cut each other out entirely.
 

I was in a similar situation but I was the ex girl. My X who has now met a beautiful woman that he loves was having an issue withhis girl because we still hang and talk on the regular.

I have no feelings for him in THAT way and even if he has feelings for me, he'll never hurt his girl because he's a great guy.

So she got her comfort after talking to me and seeing that we are truly just friends.

Again, I was in that situation, ANOTHER X boyfriend, and THIS time, the nicca was playing her AND me. He wanted us both, so he would keep us seperate. He never wanted us to meet.

If the man won't introduce you to his X, the girl he's CLAIMING to be just friends with, then he has something to hide.

It's all about open communication.
 

I posed the same question on my blog a while back. I do think that people can maintain a friendship with an ex. I'm friends with one of my exes. We don't see each other because we live more than a few states apart but we do speak semi-regularly. We broke up on bad terms but we were friends probably ten times longer than we were actually together so I think that has a lot to do with it. Also, once we finally spoke to one another (more than a year after we broke up), we both came to a point of closure regarding our relationship - no more pointing fingers, no more blame and no more bitterness. We can actually laugh and joke about the situation now. There probably is an underlying flirtation but we both know nothing will ever come of it, nor do either of us want it to. We've both moved on to other people and sincerely want the other to be happy. Heck, he was one of the biggest advocates of me getting back with my latest bf.
 

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I don't think a man keeps people or things around (especially women) that he doesn't intend to use. If the guy told your friend he was on a "break" I think he was being clear. He either said it on purpose or it slipped, either way it shows his true intention. Most men say what they mean, most women try to interpret it. I think your friend is smart to return to her shell. He may like her, but when a man really likes a woman he'll spend so much time focusing on her that an ex won't ever be an issue. He will be clear and she won't need to figure it out. I'm all for a woman's right to pursue but it doesn't read as if your friend is that type of lady
 

I have to agree with Kajuana on this one. If intimacy comes into the picture... straight friendship ain't gonna happen.... just human nature.