The life & times of Brown Sugar...

For lack of anything else to do and because this seems like a really interesting form of release....I am going to do this too.
Write something you'd like to say or should have said but never did to 11 people:

1. I see so much of you in me. Everybody says I look just like you. It's amazing. Even my mannerisms...I never thought there would be a day when I'd be quoting some of the same things you used to tell me then....and even still today. Now I understand what you mean by "a vision of the future depends upon a clear and intelligent interpretation of the past." It has also become my philosophy of life. Yet another thing I've gotten from you. I know I don't call and talk to you as much as I should. I want you to know that you are always on my mind and heart. I couldn't imagine not having you in my life. As a matter of fact, I don't imagine it. Even now, thinking of losing you brings tears to my eyes. I don't know where I'd be without you in my life. I hate to see you in pain. I hate that you have to go to dialysis three times a week. I'd love to give you my kidney but I know you wouldn't allow it. Anything to make you feel better. Thank you for everything. Thank you for transferring from Alabama State to Tennessee State and meeting that special someone in your life. For without her, there'd be no me. I'm not the best with words so I'll just end here. But before I go, I'd like to say again. I love you.

2. You are the sweetest person I know. You are my best friend. You have been a lifesaver to me. I appreciate everything you've done for me in the past and even today. You are truly a blessing. I always think about how I called you the morning of the day that I was being admitted into the hospital. Before I knew it, you purchased a plane ticket and was there with me no later than an hour after my admittance. While I was in labor, I saw the look of concern in your eyes. You hated to see me in pain. But each time I looked up and saw you, I felt a little better. Still in pain, nonetheless. But glad you were there with me. (smile) If I never appreciated you before, I appreciated you more than anything during that time and weeks after we came home from the hospital. You were there, not only for me, but my son. I can ALWAYS depend on you. I'd die without you.

3. Girl, we used to be the best of friends. What happened? You've always been like my little sister. I remember when we became friends. Summer 1990. I was a Varsity cheerleader and you were JV cheerleader. We had to be at cheerleading practice at damn near the butt crack of dawn 5 days a week. Your mother told you to ask me if you could ride with me to and from practice. You know...since we stayed around the corner from one another. I remember your mother used to always give you gas money to give to me. I'd always refuse it but you'd somehow manage to leave it in the car. Anyway, that summer we developed a great friendship that lasted for years to come. We've been through so much together. We had the typical big sister/little sister type of relationship. I went away to college and we still remained best friends. You'd call and write to update me on the latest high school drama and I'd do the same. I remember coming home for breaks and sitting over your house. We'd sit up and talk to your mama about everything. She would give us great advice about dealing with females and guys. I always loved sitting and talking with your mom. Fast forward a few years. You graduated from college and moved here. It seemed like we would become even closer. But we somehow drifted apart. All those years we were apart, we maintained a great friendship. We lived in the same city again and things just weren't the same. I don't know what happened. I know you hated your job, but damn. You became depressed and kept to yourself. Eventually, you moved back home because you hated it here. You missed your mama and grandmother. Shortly after moving back home, you lost your mother. I wanted to be there for you but I felt like you just pushed me away. I drove up for your mom's funeral. That had to be the saddest trip I've ever taken. It was the worst. I never cried so hard in my life at anybody's funeral. It was weird. My due date was mid December. I always had a feeling that I was going to have my baby early. I told you that I had a feeling that I was going to have my baby on or close to your mother's birthday. He came three weeks early....three days before her birthday. I couldn't believe it. It's been two years now. You're starting to call a little bit more but it's still not the same. I miss you girl. I really do.

4. You are my little angel. You are truly a blessing. I love your little body! I love your smile. I love your laugh. I used to love your cry. (smile) You have the funniest personality. I see so much of me in you. Whenever I have a bad day at work all it takes is for me to see you and nothing else matters. You are such a joy. You drive me crazy sometimes. But that comes with the territory. You're away for another week. I can't wait to see you baby. I can't wait to see you... I love you booga.

5. I used to feel as though I hated you. I like to think that I don't hate anybody. But...come to think of it. I know I hated your ass. You were truly despicable. I don't like to wish anything bad on anybody. But I'll tell you this, I don't wish anything good for you. I felt this way then and I still feel the same way. Minus the hate. You did me wrong boy. You did me wrong. I still can't believe you actually got married. *smh* Not that it matters, you're still trying to f**k me to this day. I'm not even having it. I mean, the sex is the bomb. Damn...that shit is good as hell. But...it ain't even worth going through the heartache I went through with you. I wouldn't even let you smell my pu**y. Besides, I'm over you. I really am. Who would have thought I'd get over you? The day you got married, I was OVER you. Thanks for getting married. I think, rather, I KNOW you did me a big favor. Anyway, thanks for my child!

6. You are my DAWG!!!! I love you man. I really do. We have sooo much fun together. We haven't kicked it in a minute though. I love being around you. I love talking to you. You always seem to brighten my day. No matter how f**ked up it is. I can always count on you to get a chuckle. But...sometimes, you can be a bit shady! I've known your ass since we were 12 friggin' years old. Damn! I'm glad you moved down here but everytime we plan to do something, sh*t falls through. I'm wondering, is it because of your girlfriend? I mean, I know she used to accuse us of f*cking. She always thought we were f*cking. I mean, grant it, we have f*cked a few times but still. It was waaay before her. That was a long time ago, right? ha ha ha It's all good. Even though we did somehow manage to take it there, we've maintained our friendship. Friend sex is always good. We can't say we don't know each other in and out! Bwhaahahaha Is that wrong of me? She'd be mad as hell if she knew we actually have had sex before. Shiiit. She'll never hear it from me. But on the real, I'd never f*ck you again. Never!!!!

7. I love that I can talk to you about anything. Anything!!! I tell you things that I don't even tell my closest friends. What am I talking about? You are one of my closest friends. ha ha ha I mean, you know me like a book girl. It's sooo funny. I love that I can be very candid with you. I love that you accept me for me. What I don't love is your flighty ways. But that's no secret. I tell you that all the time. You're not really happy in your current relationship. I find myself telling you, "I told you so." You wanted so bad to get back with this person.Couldn't stop thinking about them. Somehow, ya'll have managed to get back together. They said they've changed since the last time ya'll were together. But time has only revealed that they haven't. I'm beginning to think you are a glutton for punishment. However, as of late, you've decided to "play" around. I'm not usually an advocate for cheating. But dammit, I'm glad you're doing your thing in this case. You need to move on. Foreal, foreal.

8. Wow...what can I say to you? I like you. I really do. I love your voice. I love our conversations. I like our chemistry. I wish we could spend more time together. You're there. I'm here. Would it even work? Should I even continue to put energy into something I'm not sure is going to even happen? Regardless, I love you as a friend. We go way back. But even then, we didn't take as much time as I would have liked to really get to know one another. I'm looking forward to getting to know you more and more and more....

9. You stankin' a** b*tch! Burn in the pits of hell! (gathering spit in my throat) Patooey! I spit on you. Be gone! I wish I didn't have to see your a**. You have got to be the phoniest person I know. Back stabbin heifa! I bet you think I'm stupid, huh? You think I don't have a clue. Little do you know.

10. I understand your job keeps you mad busy. I understand that you're out at sea and can't make phone calls. But damn. You used to call me every weekend. I could at least depend on hearing from you Saturdays through Mondays. As of late, ya'll haven't even been coming ashore but for a couple of hours. Well, at least you do call then. You're always talking about how you want to make me your woman. Baby, I need a little more than your words. Besides, I haven't seen you since June. You'd think you were overseas! Hell, your ass is just in the Gulf of Mexico. I'm glad that we've reconnected but I can't stand your damn job! F*ck all that damn oil! I know they pay good but damn! Me and long distance relationships don't work. I'm not needy but there are times when I just want my man with me. For obvious reasons... But you're not my man anyway. ha ha ha You're cool and all. But...I don't know. I wish I knew how you felt about me back then. I know I would have gotten with you. When I first came on the job, you looked out. You treated me like a little sister. You looked out for me. You always said you were leaving. We used to talk about how we had bigger plans than this job. A few years went by and you were still here. Unfortunately, I'm still here. But then, you did it. You left. I didn't think I'd talk to you again. But...thanks to our friend, we linked back up. You're still the same. I love that you make me laugh and keep me motivated. Thanks for everything. But on the real...I'm not waiting for you. You're my dawg but...nope. Can't do it. Is that wrong of me?

11. I thank God that I met you on that day in 1991. You have helped me a lot throughout the years. I know I can run to you whenever, wherever, however. You're like the sister I never had. I LOVE YOU.