Monday, May 02, 2005
The skin we're in...
"He's fine to be so dark. She's pretty to be so dark."
What exactly does THAT shit mean? I know you've all heard that before. Per a conversation that I had with Kajuana a week or so ago, we discussed color struck folks.
I was telling K how I had never came in contact with folks that were so color struck until I moved to ATL. It's amazing. Is it just a southern thing? I don't know. I grew up in Michigan. Went to school in Washington,DC. Never had a problem. I mean, I've never really been caught up in one's skin tones. Grant it, I remember being attracted to the light skinned boy with "good hair" and pretty eyes the same way I remember being head over heels over the dark skinned brother with pretty skin or the brown skinned cutiepie. It never really mattered to me. Now if we're going to discuss ugly v. cute/fine, that's a whole 'notha topic! LOL
The sad thing is that some folks think that if they or somebody they like is "light skinned" that's an automatic plus. Gold Star for the light skinned folks! WTF-ever! Don't get me wrong. I am SO not hating. Brown Sugar is comfortable with her skin tone! Hence the name....Brown Sugar! Grant it, it could be a reflection of my skin tone OR just that I'm as sweet as brown sugar. LOL *shrugs* You pick. *flashes dazzling smile* Come on now. You know I can't leave here without leaving some sort of sexual undertone. LOL Even in a serious post. *smh*
But seriously, WE (black folks) can be the worst. I'm not just referring to white folks treating black folks a certain way just because they're black or depending on their skin tone. That is like a sub topic of this whole topic. My focus is on how WE treat each other. Since I've been here in Atlanta, I've noticed that the "skin we're in" really does matter. I've had brothers by pass my pretty brown ass in a club to go holla at a sistah who is "light skinned" and definitely not as pretty as me. What? I'm just keeping it real. A whole new aspect of when keeping it real goes wrong. *smh* I have a girlfriend that I grew up with in Michigan. She was always a tomboy. We moved to Atlanta around the same time. She's light skinned and actually very pretty. Men drool over her when they see her. Is it because she's light skinned or because she's pretty? She's one of those girls that keeps athlete boyfriends. She has a nice house. Nice ass car. Gucci this, Prada that. I mean, the girl has it going on. But whenever I'm around her, I feel like I can't "hang" with her. Does that mean I lack self-confidence? *shrugs* To this day, I still don't know how she does it. But she's always been kind of fly. Even as a tomboy growing up. Damn...I'm veering off path here. *turning non power steering wheel back on track* She invited me to go with her to a Hawks game. She had courtside seats. We were amongst rich white folks, Nelly, Jermaine Dupri's lil bitty ass as well as other high rollers. I could feel the stares. Only they weren't staring at me. Bruthas were checking her out. Now, I can't hate because she really is a pretty girl. I have to give it to her. So why'd I even bring her up? *shrugs* Because she's light skinned! LOL
Anyway, at the end of the game we were standing around and my girl's friend came up to her. She was inviting her to go hook up with some of the players or something like that. This girl was light skinned also. Oh..there was another light skinned chic with her too. Anyway, my friend was like, "Oh...I'm with my girl..." or something like that. Light skinned chic #1 looked at me. I could have sworn she looked me up and down as if to survey whether or not I was "worthy" noticed that I was NOT light skinned and then said something like, "Oh ok....well just holla at me when you drop her off." I'm looking at light skinned chic#1 like, "Bitch...I'm fine and classy." She must didn't notice my long beautiful hair (all mine) or partial fur/cashmere coat. LOL But for a split second, my self esteem was questionable. You just had to be there to know what I'm talking about. Since you weren't just take my words for it.
I've always been confident. Overly confident at times. But since I've been here in Atlanta, I feel like one: it's a battle to keep up with the joneses and two: i've become skin pigment challenged. So to speak. To say that I'm comfortable with where I am and who I am, would be a lie. I touched on this in a previous entry. It's a struggle all around. It's tight on a Bison. (HU grads would only understand that one)
I never thought that I would have to compete with women of the light skinned persuasion. LOL Never. I never had a problem with my light skinned counterparts. My mother is a nice "khaki" (Kae 2005) complexion. To say I have a problem with her complexion would be far from the truth. I love black folks. We are beautiful people. We come in all kind of shades. What other race do you know whose skin tones have a color spectrum? To say that one is ugly or pretty because of their skin color is baffling to say the least.
I could go on and on but as you already know, I have yet to complete my ATL Bloggers Drunkfest day 1 &2. I suck! I'm slipping on recognizing my boy Kelvin! But I just had to do this after reading Kajuana's entry today. We can tackle this subject every single day if we wanted to. It will NEVER change. Never. It's been going on since the slave days. Light skinned folks made it to the house while the darker skinned/Amistad/Give us free folks were waaaaay back in the cotton fields. *smh*
I'm sure I was either blinded by it all while growing up or possibly shielded. I don't know. It wasn't until I moved here that it became my reality. I didn't discriminate then and I don't discriminate now. Skin tones, that is. If you are butt booty ugly inside and out, keep on walking sweetie. Keep on walking. That's another story. But I will say this, I don't even discriminate against those that aren't aesthetically pleasing. What's beautiful to me, may not be beautiful to others. Where somebody might think I'm ugly (which i doubt) somebody else might think I'm fine as wine. I know you're thinking, "Didn't this chic say she lacked self confidence?!?" LOL I'm a mess! I know! I know! But before I end this, I have to say this:
"All that glitters is not gold." In Spanish, "Todo que brillo es no oro." In Ebonics, "Boy...don't think you got sumethin special just cuz she light skinned. She ain't all dat."
~brownsugarbaby~
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When I was growing up in Cleveland, I definitely thought light skinned girls were prettier, but most of the girls I kicked it with were brown skin, so I didn't pass them over.
After seeing the 'Jigaboos' and 'Wannabees' on School Days, I was wondering how true those stereotypes were. Sure 'nough, when I came to school here, the cliques were clearly separated by skin tone. ESPECIALLY the sororities. There was no question who was an AKA, Delta, or Zeta just by looking at them.
Basically, I agree. Black culture has had this problem forever, and it still exists.
After seeing the 'Jigaboos' and 'Wannabees' on School Days, I was wondering how true those stereotypes were. Sure 'nough, when I came to school here, the cliques were clearly separated by skin tone. ESPECIALLY the sororities. There was no question who was an AKA, Delta, or Zeta just by looking at them.
Basically, I agree. Black culture has had this problem forever, and it still exists.
I completely feel you on this subject. My tolerance for that color-struck shit is always at a -10. Don't come around me with it. Too many BLACK people get caught in that light-skinned disease. Cause somebody close to the palies (yeah, I made that up. What? What?) don't make them good people. But, again, that speaks to the shallow-mindedness of a people.
Will it get any better? NOT! Do I sound pessimistic? No, I'm just being real.
Will it get any better? NOT! Do I sound pessimistic? No, I'm just being real.
# posted by 
: Mon May 02, 01:38:00 PM
: Mon May 02, 01:38:00 PM
It won't get any better. Like Kajuana stated in her entry, it's one of those nasty things that generations pass on to the next generation. We're stuck. Pessimistic? Nope. Just keeping it real.
Kajuana, I knew I was the T you spoke of in your entry. hee hee When I commented on your page, I hadn't even read your entry in it's entirety. I read a few lines, paragraphs and pushed reply because I had so much to say about it. So much that I had to go ahead and write about it myself. Only to run out of things to say. LOL Well, I didn't run aut of things to say, I just couldn't transfer all my thoughts into actual written words at the time of posting. hee hee
Good post!! I am with my PIB pardner Yolanda. I hate that *ish! It is just so damn unnecessary...but like K said...it is generational...and it will never stop being passed down....cause we deal with too many closed minded folk.
# posted by : Mon May 02, 02:08:00 PM
: Mon May 02, 02:08:00 PM
@JezChill...I know some of the darkest sisters that are AKA's. I also know some light skinned sisters that are Delta's. *shrugs* So I don't think that stereotype is very stereotypical these days. Then again...I totally see where you're coming from. Although we MIGHT be straying away from the sorority stereotypes.
Man, I can feel you. I have this friend who is not the cutest. She's not an ugly girl, but she's just not all that attractive. She's overweight with a belly and only about 5'1". The way she carries herself is VERY tomboyish, in fact many people think she's gay when they first meet her. But she's light with long hair and the guys fall over her. I've pondered that shit for a while and the only reasoning I can come up with is that a lot of us are still color-struck and that's a damn shame.
I never had the color thing either. Maybe it's because I'm safely in the middle of dark and light, getting darker in the summer and lighter in the winter. Maybe it's from living in Northern Ca.
I have a darker sister who is 5'9, gorgeous, well put together and friendly. Even at my lightest she always gets the attention by all races. At basketball games and concerts she gets approached, in L.A. she gets approached, when we went to the Olympics in Atl, she was the one getting approached, by Dream Team players and other athletes from various countries.
While I with my 5"5 lighter shade self only got action when she wasn't around.
I don't think my sister would be as pretty if she was light. With the exception of my mother, Halle and Beyonce, I don't view light women as beautiful. I see them as cute and possibly pretty but that's as far as I can see. Light men aren't handsome to me, they are pretty or cute. I think long lashes, heavy brows and deep eyes are better viewd on a person with melanin.
I have a darker sister who is 5'9, gorgeous, well put together and friendly. Even at my lightest she always gets the attention by all races. At basketball games and concerts she gets approached, in L.A. she gets approached, when we went to the Olympics in Atl, she was the one getting approached, by Dream Team players and other athletes from various countries.
While I with my 5"5 lighter shade self only got action when she wasn't around.
I don't think my sister would be as pretty if she was light. With the exception of my mother, Halle and Beyonce, I don't view light women as beautiful. I see them as cute and possibly pretty but that's as far as I can see. Light men aren't handsome to me, they are pretty or cute. I think long lashes, heavy brows and deep eyes are better viewd on a person with melanin.
@BC ~ I'd expect something like that from you Ted. LOL *thinking about Yolie's comment about you reminding her of the little dog on Meet the Fockers* LOL
I'd like to add that my sister doesn't show lots of skin in her clothes, she's conservative. She was in April Ebony with a collared shirt and clearly colored, men are still calling her.
And she does have a big booty on a slim figure.
And she does have a big booty on a slim figure.
I really love how you addressed this topic too, (I have been trying to catch up with the comments on the other blogs). I think you made excellent points. Since I just met you, I can attest to your being comfortable in brown sugar (you radiate!)...and it proves that we have such a beautiful range of beauty as women of color. Your beauty doesn't take away from X's beauty, and it irks me when color struck people still get hung up on shit our ancestors were subjected to. I think we have to have this dialogue to get an understanding of what each of us go through so we can weed out the unnecessary bullshit that comes with having jacked up perceptions of what beauty is based on how close to white one is. It's RI-DAMN-DICULOUS!
I think some people need to do a fact check and ask themselves is the person really pretty or just light skinned? We'd see a lot less ugly babies if people did that.
I like to think we "being African-American" are ALL beautiful no matter what our shade of skin is. Unfortunately, there are some that are still "color struck."
# posted by : Tue May 03, 11:02:00 PM
: Tue May 03, 11:02:00 PM
I don't like colorstruck people either. But what I really hate is that a lot of people think I am colorstruck. These are my friends I am talking about here. I think people think I make a cute couple with light skinned girls and so they often assume that is what I'm attracted to. Then some of my friends had the nerve to suggest that my history shows that as a preference. What bologna. Most of the girls I've dated have been my color. I've been with a lot of girls so certainly there were some light skinned ones in there but anyway I guess this turned into my own personal blog didn't it.
Hmmm...some very noteworthy statements here. Well, I happen to be one of the "pale people". I'm VERY fair, light-bright-damn-near-white, with silky hair down the middle of my back & bright blue eyes.
I'm sorry if some of you have had experiences with peoplw who judged you based on the color of your skin. However, I've noticed that plenty of yellow, brown, and black-skinned people constantly stereotype fair-skinned women, often unfairly. This has been my experience in my 21 years of living. In elementary school I had little black girls calling me "white bitch" without realizing I was mixed. In high school they wanted to beat me up & cut off my hair just because I was dating the most handsome dark-skinned boy (he is now my husband). My mother-in-law hates women who look like me.
Now if I walked around with a diva attitude, then okay...I would definitely deserve to be called snobby. I have never thought I was better than anyone, & I have certainly never judged somebody (a stranger or otherwise) based on color or race. If I like/dislike somebody, it comes down to one word: ATTITUDE. I've met some very sweet dark-skinned people who have open minds. I've met dark-skinned people who annoy me because they tend to project all their insecurities & past experiences onto women of fair complexion.
If somebody has a problem with me being mixed and having a button nose & blue eyes & blond hair, oh well. Whatever. They aren't worth my time if they can't see my personality. Do you see my point? I had lots of problems fitting in with the Black & Hispanic students at my primarily Black & Hispanic high school. They were bitter towards white people, and they weren't about to accept some plain-talking white-looking biracial chick into their crowd. Hell, no. Never mind the fact that I smiled & said "Hi" to them because I wanted to be friends. My mother-in-law said to my husband, "You're only with her because she's so light and looks white".
It really amazes me how most dark-skinned & brown-skinned women assume that fair girls grow up feeling pretty all the time. I had ZERO confidence as a kid, a teen, & a young woman. Hardly anyone ever complimented me. In fact, dark-skinned people were the most cruel when it came to talking about my looks. We aren't talking about teasing, we're talking vicious taunts. Parents instill this type of hate in children when it's their responsibility to instill tolerance & acceptance of diversity. How else would a 10-year-old kid learn the words "white bitch" if they didn't hear it at home? I was called Michael Jackson in high school despite the the fact that I have never bleached my skin or altered my features.
That certainly doesn't help to boost one's confidence. I didn't walk around like, "Look at me, look at me". I didn't feel beautiful or sexy or pretty. Dark-skinned people on a whole are not bad people, they are beautiful too, but so many of them seem to have this inferiority complex. They seem to be insecure, IMO, and that is why their defenses come up when a lighter-complected person is around. They feel the need to prove that they're better than, or as good as, lighter people. This is more true for women. This is an issue that divides people rather than uniting them. No offense to anyone but it is the truth. If Brown Sugar is in fact comfortable with herself as a dark-skinned woman, she would not have immediately assumed that the light-skinned girl was giving her attitude based on color. Maybe she was jealous of you...you said you're pretty with "long beautiful hair" and you had on a nice outfit. That's reason enough for girls to act bitchy, *not* because you're darker than them.
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I'm sorry if some of you have had experiences with peoplw who judged you based on the color of your skin. However, I've noticed that plenty of yellow, brown, and black-skinned people constantly stereotype fair-skinned women, often unfairly. This has been my experience in my 21 years of living. In elementary school I had little black girls calling me "white bitch" without realizing I was mixed. In high school they wanted to beat me up & cut off my hair just because I was dating the most handsome dark-skinned boy (he is now my husband). My mother-in-law hates women who look like me.
Now if I walked around with a diva attitude, then okay...I would definitely deserve to be called snobby. I have never thought I was better than anyone, & I have certainly never judged somebody (a stranger or otherwise) based on color or race. If I like/dislike somebody, it comes down to one word: ATTITUDE. I've met some very sweet dark-skinned people who have open minds. I've met dark-skinned people who annoy me because they tend to project all their insecurities & past experiences onto women of fair complexion.
If somebody has a problem with me being mixed and having a button nose & blue eyes & blond hair, oh well. Whatever. They aren't worth my time if they can't see my personality. Do you see my point? I had lots of problems fitting in with the Black & Hispanic students at my primarily Black & Hispanic high school. They were bitter towards white people, and they weren't about to accept some plain-talking white-looking biracial chick into their crowd. Hell, no. Never mind the fact that I smiled & said "Hi" to them because I wanted to be friends. My mother-in-law said to my husband, "You're only with her because she's so light and looks white".
It really amazes me how most dark-skinned & brown-skinned women assume that fair girls grow up feeling pretty all the time. I had ZERO confidence as a kid, a teen, & a young woman. Hardly anyone ever complimented me. In fact, dark-skinned people were the most cruel when it came to talking about my looks. We aren't talking about teasing, we're talking vicious taunts. Parents instill this type of hate in children when it's their responsibility to instill tolerance & acceptance of diversity. How else would a 10-year-old kid learn the words "white bitch" if they didn't hear it at home? I was called Michael Jackson in high school despite the the fact that I have never bleached my skin or altered my features.
That certainly doesn't help to boost one's confidence. I didn't walk around like, "Look at me, look at me". I didn't feel beautiful or sexy or pretty. Dark-skinned people on a whole are not bad people, they are beautiful too, but so many of them seem to have this inferiority complex. They seem to be insecure, IMO, and that is why their defenses come up when a lighter-complected person is around. They feel the need to prove that they're better than, or as good as, lighter people. This is more true for women. This is an issue that divides people rather than uniting them. No offense to anyone but it is the truth. If Brown Sugar is in fact comfortable with herself as a dark-skinned woman, she would not have immediately assumed that the light-skinned girl was giving her attitude based on color. Maybe she was jealous of you...you said you're pretty with "long beautiful hair" and you had on a nice outfit. That's reason enough for girls to act bitchy, *not* because you're darker than them.
# posted by : Wed Aug 10, 03:30:00 PM
: Wed Aug 10, 03:30:00 PM << Home
